TALKING TO YOURSELF...

I've been talking to myself a lot in here.

Reacting to my radio, that eternal source of aggravation.

I can hardly imagine I once listened to that thing for relaxation.

 

Now it only manages to raise my blood pressure.

I have to turn it off to be able to eat anything.

 

But who could I talk to here, apart from myself ?

I'm surrounded by malicious imbeciles and little hypocrites.

Hypocrite isn't the right word.

One should invent a new word to describe the mentality of the locals here.

 

You can have a conversation with any of them for three hours,

they wouldn't even remark implicitly on the main issue, no the only issue

while knowing full well what has been going on here and who is responsible for it.

 

Essential information for me to get out of this nightmare.

 

And yet, they would still pretend they're on your side...

Can you imagine the murderous hypocrisy of that scum.

 

The omerta in Scum city is more watertight than on Sicily even.

They're all covering each other.

If one of them talks, the whole criminal scheme collapses

and they're all living off it, and very richly too, the maggots.

 

And you wonder why I don't want to have anything to do with any of them ?

 

Their arrogance and condescension is farcical

and I would just laugh at it too if I wouldn't be locked up in here because of it.

 

There's a liberal dose of envy and spite behind it too, of course.

You never know what's what with such types.

 

Primitive deviants like the Bitch Paesbrugge, for instance.

 

Do they ever think of the day that I no longer will be living here

but they will ?

 

And, the whole range of new possibilities to deal with scum

which be available to me just by this tiny little shift of fortune ?

 

I don't think they do, their mental scope is too limited

and their attention span too short to see beyond next week.

 

And yet, this day will come as sure as the day turns to night.

 

Here's what Herr Professor Doctor Medicin says about

this subject of thinking aloud...

In old movies, if you wanted to show that someone
was really crazy you'd show them talking to themselves.

 

Even if they were only doing it mentally, 
it was supposed to be a sure sign of mental illness. 
 
What's really bizarre about this is that the act of
talking to ourselves is actually a sign that we are
self-aware and that we seek insight into our own actions. 
 
Talking to ourselves mentally is actually a hallmark
of being human and proof that we are a higher species.
  
We all have mental conversations with ourselves.
Self-talk is so constant that meditation groups, relaxation tapes,
and self-help books focus on just trying to get us to be able to 
stop all the self-talk for a few seconds of deep relaxation.
 
But, in a sense, we can measure our degree of psychological pain 
by checking out our self-talk.

 

It's not whether we do it, 
it's what we say to ourselves that matters.
 
It would be wonderful if we only said well-thought-out,
self-protective, self-loving things to ourselves.
It would be wonderful,
but it's just not true for most of us most of the time.
 
A lot of self-talk is critical.
It's as if our private mental world is occupied by a watchdog 
who is always anxious to point out our flaws.
 
To a degree, this is self-protective.
It resets our automatic pilot 

 

when it is veering too far off course.
But one of the quickest and best ways to improve our
lives is through changing negative self-talk.

 

How do we go about it?

 

1) Become aware of it.

 

2) Label its source.
 
3) Change it.
 
4) Notice how different you feel.
 
5) Decide whether to change it further.
 
6) Don't think you are finished.
 
 
Journaling seems to be the most popular technique 
for becoming aware of your self-talk at the moment.
 
But whether you use a real journal or just try to notice
what you say to yourself without a journal,
look for the disagreements within yourself.

 

Sometimes these disagreements will be almost auditory.
One side will say something and the other side will say
That's not true, etc.
But any self-talk that makes you feel bad contains a disagreement.
The disagreement is between the self-talk 
and the healthy part of us that doesn't want to feel bad !
 
All self-talk that makes you feel bad originally came from someone else !

Learn to identify who said this about you in your past.
And mentally label the negative self-talk with the name
of the person you got it from.